What have I been doing lately, you ask? Ta da! What follows is a Tall Tale speech I gave that took first place at my ToastMasters Club in February, and placed third at the Rochester Area level competition last Saturday.

I tell a tale, a tail, you’ll see,

a tale of adventure and woe

A tale of we three, my friends and me,

of me and Bill and Joe

We three we went away one day,spooky

away from the pub we know

We went to see what else could be,

where else the liquor flow

And just next door, never seen it before,

there was a pub called Suds

We looked around at this new place we’d found,

Seemed all right for me and my buds

This place was very warm, and true to form

The patrons looked a little roughcrowd

They didn’t dance in the aisle or give us a smile

They did manage to look quite tough

There were no sports pictures or TVs or transistors

The walls were the color of tar

We could hold our own, and people like us at home

So we walked ourselves up to the bar

They may not care who is winning the inning

beerBut if the beer is cheap we approve

We sidled on up to get us a cup

At last we would get in the groove

We got five mugs each–we had to try the place at least—

and that’s when things got strange

the barkeep Old Charon said life was just barren,

would we like to expand our drinking range?

He took out a bottle of something called grottle,

the bottle it just seemed to glow

With a wild look in his eye and the grottle held high,

he was not a man, we did know

He said call me friend

and drank the elixir

We watched as he poured what was left

in the mixer

He gave out Howl that sounded like a growl

And his frenzy chilled our blood

But when he grew a tail and horns and eyed us with scorn

That’s when we ran from the place they call Suds

And so in the end we did not call him friend

We ran back to our old happy haunt

We told of our plight and no one laughed at our fright

They’d all had their own grottle jaunt

They said we had luck that we didn’t get stuck

in the place that was right next door

For they all knew our story was true

That’s why they don’t venture for more

Since then we’ve been able to remain quite stablecoasters

drinking mug after mug at our pub

We don’t go too far, we love our great bar,

We’re glad to avoid Beezlebub



Jody Brown is the author of Upside Down Kingdom, available on Amazon: dld.bz/bYuX4