photo-3Over the last few years, I’ve walked many, many times in these particular woods with my friends, in daylight, at night, and in all seasons. I wrote after each of the first three walks I did, the first time, watching my feet. The second, noticing the path as I struggled internally with what was happening in my life then. This is the third walk, and as they say, the third time’s the charm. I’m still introspective—it is me, after all. But this time, I picked my head up:

Another walk in the woods!  The walk was vigorous.  We’d taken a different route today.  The weather was nice for a change this week, and all seemed easier in the world.

I’m filling my skin more and more each day, coming to the surface.  I’m not hiding deep within myself the way I’m so prone to do.  I’m hovering just below the surface of my own skin, and at times, I think I’m hovering just above the surface.

Here and there, sadnesses creep up, and I give them their time, but I don’t let myself dive further and further into them.  I’m done with that.  I’m not willing to break myself to pieces again to feel the sadness at its fullest.  I have no need to keep breaking myself.  I feel them, I recover.  I don’t dwell.

Though I have lost a lot, I have gained a lot.  The gains shouldn’t be overlooked or overshadowed.  Maybe I’ve lost more than I’ve gained, but it’s life, not a game of pick up sticks.

I have time.  I didn’t have that before.  I’m always in a hurry, always running late, always needing more time and feeling rushed against the clock.  Now, I’m just as busy–if not busier–and yet, inside, I know I have time.  There’s no deadline but my own.  I feel a lot more relaxed.  I feel like things are easier.

I also am counting my blessings more and more these days.  There are lots to want to fix, and things that need to be changed or even mourned over, but there are many, many blessings in my life, more and more each day, and I try to find them and not overlook them.  I am blessed.   Every time I start to think or say that something’s lacking in my life, I stop myself and immediately start looking at what’s not missing.

This walk, I felt very comfortable and I kept my head up.  I was sure of my footing.  My footsteps were firm.  I kept my head up and looked around at all the new greenery.  And I smiled my head off.

The woods writings are part of my book, The Forty, which is unreleased and pending edits. My first novel, Upside Down Kingdom, is available on Amazon.